Clown College

VICTORIAN STATE ELECTION

Credit to Victorian Labor leader John Brumby, he does things his own way.

When it came to the Labor Party's State election campaign launch this week -r ridiculously late in the campaign for the usual reason - he followed the template of neither his Victorian Liberal Opponent nor either of his Federal counterparts. Whereas Liberal leader Ted Baillieu had, in his campaign launch earlier in the week, delivered up a series of minimal policies designed to change as little as possible, and Julia Gillard and Tony Abbott had, earlier in the year, delivered up policy free launches devoid of anything even remotely resembling a policy of any description, the Labor Premier had something tangible for us. An actual policy! Different to his opponents and everything!

Things got even more original when the Labor leader declared just what this policy was: He was going to send all the states year 9 public school kids to 'Brumby Camp.'

And much like the time when Homer decided to go to Clown College, I don't think any of us had expected the Premier to say that:



Most people, press and public alike, had probably expected any major policy announcements to be in the 'Law and Order' area, so countering whatever Big Ted had announced at the Liberal Party do. Or, if not that, than maybe something about the economy or the environment or health or, if on the topic of education, something about more schools, more teachers, better access for country kids to quality facilities.

Instead, we got 'Brumby Camps.'

Put simply, this is a proposal by the Premier to make compulsory a two week Government funded camp for all Year 9 students. Details were a little vaguer on what this 'camp' would actually entail, but Brumby created the impression that it would be a bit like a fortnight of Army basic training, karate school and one of those wilderness survival things, where people get left in the forest with a spork and a compass, all rolled into one. Further hints could, perhaps, be taken from a short biographical video about the Premier, also played at the launch, which showed Brumby shearing sheep, planting trees and playing sport:



The cost of the program, dubbed with the usual ridiculous Government spin style moniker of 'Education for Life' (or something) was about $2000 per child per year, or some $208 million across the next term of the Government.

Now, you can undoubtedly make a case as to the value of this sort of program. Something that engages with kids outside of the staid classroom environment and shows them something of the world beyond high school. The Australian Education Union, to cite just one example, was in favour of the plan.

But it seems to me that this is something of an indulgence, given that there are many more urgent problems facing our education system in this state. Particularly in the public school system and, even more particularly, in the bush, children from the lower end of the socio economic spectrum are disadvantaged in terms of access to proper facilities.

Public school children in many areas still study in demountable classrooms. The Government has continually failed in its efforts to get high standard teachers into disadvantaged or rural areas (in fact, on that topic, the Government really refuses to admit that there are any differences between standards of teachers). Some under-resourced public schools continually fail to meet basic reading and writing benchmarks (while the government fights tooth and nail to with hold this information from the public). And, in areas of concentrated poverty and neglect, school drop outs rates remain disappointingly high.

These are all problems much more deserving of Labor's attention, than setting up a well meaning but essentially frivolous network of lifestyle camps.

There is also more than a little hubris about the proposal. 'The Age's' state political reporter, Paul Austin, noted the day after the announcement that, far from a gimmick, the 'Brumby Camp' proposal was 'a long-held Brumby dream, something he's been working on from the moment he became Premier.' His legacy to the state, in other words. Something for us all to remember him by. But really, there are more pressing needs for the state Government to address in regards to education, than the Premier's place in the history books.

Big Ted

Two days ago, Liberal leader Ted Ballieu had his official Victorian Election Campaign launch at the Melbourne Convention Centre.

Meanwhile, across town in Richmond, the Public Transport Users Association (PTUA) were letterboxing the neighbourhoood my girlfriend lives in with an information pamphlet highlighting the shortcomings in Victoria's public transport system.

And, at the same time, Felix Lerbier learns there are more links in his brain than atoms in the universe.



What do these seemingly unrelated events have in common? Well, if you exclude the last one, plenty.

We'll start with Big Ted.

Ted 'Law and Order' Baillieu made a lengthy speech at his launch in which he sought to highlight what he saw as the Labor Governments failings. These are familiar to most people who have paid any attention to the recent campaign (or, more accurately, anyone who's been anywhere near Victoria in the past decade). Victoria's problems then, through the eyes of Big Ted:

- Failings in the public transport system.
- Failings and associated scandals in the health system.
- Out of control street violence and rising crime rates.

Big Ted made it clear that these would be the things he’d be banging on about from now until polling day and, from his demeanour, it also appeared that he may think these three issues are enough for voters to tip the Government out.

But this is only one part of the equation for an Opposition leader at election time. Having identified what he felt was wrong with things, it was then up to Big Ted to outline how he’d go about tackling these problems if he were in charge. We return to his speach then, with actions and policies added to the previously outlined problems:

- Failings in the Public Transport System: Nothing
- Failings and associated scandals in the health system: Nothing
- Out of control street violence and rising crime rates: MORE POLICE, MORE JAILS AND LONGER SENTENCES!!!

That last bit said as loudly as possible to try and distract people from the whole lotta nothing in the top half.

So having droned on for some time about the woes of Victoria’s public transport system, and so having got most of his listeners on side, Big Ted then proposed to do sweet fuck all to address the problem. By which I mean, he proposed buying seven new trains in his first term as Premier (and about 14 million more if he’s then re-elected at some distant future time) and building two new train stations. And by doing so he performed the previously unthinkable trick of making the Government’s ludicrously inadequate and much derided transport plan look meaty and visionary.

I mean, seven trains? Sweet Jesus, what on earth was he thinking? A statement from the transport department the following day said that this was about the number of trains that they'd retire in the next Government's four year term, so we’d probably end up with exactly the same number of trains rolling around, if not less.

And this, tragically, is what brings us full circle and back to the PTUA and their well meaning flyers.

The flyers themselves were admirably non partisan in that, after highlighting some of the public transport system’s shortcomings, it went on to ask people to consider public transport as an issue when they were deciding who to vote for. Not to support Labor over Liberal or Liberal over Labor, but to look at each parties policies and work out who would do the most on this neglected issue, Make your vote count! That type of thing.

But admirable though this is, the reality for the people of Victoria is that they’re not being offered much of a choice by any of the prinicpal contenders in this election. Labor are offering up the same expensively advertised but woefully inadequate Transport Plan that they’ve been hawking to no enthusiasm for several years and the Liberal Opposition are offering us 7 fucking trains. And this is not even mentioning the Greens, who have come up with a well meaning but unafforable fantasy land uptopia of undergound light rail and new train stations on every corner.

Is there no way to make any progress on this issue? Other, much larger, cities than Melbourne have much better services and have had them for a long time. Yet here, the Government still seems stunned every summer that their trains and trams don't run so well when it’s hot.

Can we not get some experts in? People that have run successful public transport networks in New York or London or Paris? What about the academics at RMIT who study this stuff for a living and relentlessly criticise the current Government’s lack of foresight? Isn't it time we tried something a little different?

Fresh thinking please.

Two Quotes

VICTORIAN STATE ELECTION

'Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow.'

- TS Eliot
The Hollow Men

There's something about the nature of politics that calls this quote from Eliot's famous poem to mind pretty often for me.

For example, take the health system in Victoria. More specifically, the hosiptal system in Victoria. More specifically, the way the operation of the hosp[ital system in Victoria is measured and assessed.

So, the operation of our hospitals generates a mass of data which is analysed; patient waiting lists, emergency room wait times, bed capacity and a thousand and one other things. The health department sets statewide targets for hospitals to meet, to ensure that services are being provided in a timely and efficient fashion. By meeting these targets, hospitals ensure good service delivery and also, often times, qualify for additional government funding. Conversely, by not meeting their targets, the state government is able to identify which hospitals need additional staff or resources or just an overhaul of their operating practice. Which is all very ordinary and as you'd expect...

... or it would be, if that's how the system actually operated.

But back in reality, what actually happens is this:

1. Government sets hospitals ambitious targets and then denies them adequate funding to meet those targets.

2. The health department provides heavy pressure to hospital administrations to meet these unrealistic targets.

3. Hospital administrators manipulate the data generated by their hospitals to make it look like they're meeting their targets when, in fact, they simply can't.

This last part of the process is done in a variety of ways.

Example:

When a hospital emergency room reaches capacity they activate an indicator called 'Emergency Bypass,' meaning they are unable to take any more patients. The ambulance service is notified and ambulances instructed not to deliver any more patients to that hospital.

The government wishes to minimise the occurrence of this - so that emergency patients can be taken to the nearest hospital, say - so they set a target of hospitals only activating their 'Emergency Bypass' indicator 3% of their operating time. Hospitals that achieve this target receive bonus funding.

However, due to a decline in bulk billing private practice GPs, a more general decline in affordable, private, after hours medical care, combined with years of underfunding, hospital emergency rooms have become stretched beyond capacity and need to activate their 'Eemergency Bypass' indicator much more often than the 3% target.

So what happens?

Emergency room staff are instructed not to activate the bypass and just to continue accepting patients, even if there are no staff available to treat them or any beds available. A recent survey of emergency room doctors by 'The Age' confirmed that this practice is widespread and, according to those surveyed, puts lives at risk.

The last part of this sorry process is the State Government health spokesman calling a press conference to announce that no hospital in the state activates their 'Emergency Bypass' indicator more than 3% of the time, all thanks to State Government initiatives.

And this is just one example, among many.

Other examples cited in the 'Age' story noted above included the creation of 'virtual wards' that exist only in the memory banks of hospital computers (to make it look like people who are languishing on trolleys or waiting room chairs are in beds), and the exclusion of rafts of patients from surgery waiting lists to make it look like there's not a problem in this State of people waiting years and years for required surgery.

And the loser in all of this is, as always, us.

When someone we know is in a car accident and gets rushed by ambulance to a hospital where no one is available to treat them. Or when a relative has their quality of life dramatically lowered through having to put up with treatable medical conditions while they wait on a list somewhere.

But where is the politics of this issue?

When confronted with the 'virtual wards' scandal last year, after whistle blowing from courageous hospital staff, State Health Minister Daniel Andrews aggressively denied that such a problem existed. When he was shown evidence that fudging of data occurred, the Minister scrapped some of the target based carrot-and-stick funding and announced that independent audits of hospital data would be conducted.

The Health Minister wasn't sacked, nor reprimanded by The Premier and the 'virtual wards' scandal hasn't featured in our current election campaign in any form. Nor have any of the other issues, serious problems all, listed above. The State Government has gone with its usual 'Business as usual' approach and the State Opposition seems unable to say anything without the words 'Law and order!!!' attached to it.

And yet the problem remains. 90% of surveyed emergency room doctors state that inaccurate data is still being submitted by hospitals and that the independent audits fail to uncover this practice.

And this reminds me of another quote, from George Orwell's '1984' this time:

The fabulous statistics continued to pour out of the telescreen. As compared with last year there was more food, more clothes, more houses, more furniture, more cooking-pots, more fuel, more ships, more helicopters, more books, more babies--more of everything except disease, crime, and insanity. Year by year and minute by minute, everybody and everything was whizzing rapidly upwards. (Yet) always in your stomach and in your skin there was a sort of protest, a feeling that you had been cheated of something that you had a right to.

The Self Perpetuating Machine

VICTORIAN STATE ELECTION

Reinforcing the fact that this State Election will be about one issue and one issue only, today's 'Age' reports that 50% of Victorians no longer feel safe out on the street at night. Other reported findings include:

- 89 per cent don't feel safe using public transport at night
- 88 per cent don't feel safe in the CBD at night
- 14 per cent have considered moving because of a crime
- 36 per cent have experienced a crime at home
- 55 per cent said violence is racially motivated
- 42 per cent were disappointed with the government's initiatives on law and order

The information contained in the article came from a survey conducted for 3AW's Neil Mitchell. Approximately 6500 homes spread across Melbourne participated in the survey, a large sample size for this type of thing, so even though 3AW is a cartoonish outfit with only the most tenuous attachment to the idea of 'serious news,' the results cannot be easily dismissed.

But what this survey really tells us is less about the crime situation in Melbourne and more about the perception of the crime situation in Melbourne. In other words, people in the suburbs have already been convinced that crime is really out of control in our city and that they're unsafe unless they're at home with the doors and windows locked and a blanket over their heads.

And we've got people like Mitchell himself to thank for this.

Obviously, if you go on the radio everyday and talk in a LOUD VOICE about the law and order problem we have in this state - never trying to determine if there is one of course, just shouting about how bad the problem is - than a lot of your listeners are going to get it into their heads that the problem exists and is getting worse. This is really how Mitchell and his ilk define their existence: shouting about something loud and long enough so that people start talking about it so that they can then shout about it some more and companies that manufacture security doors and burglar alarms will advertise on their show.

'Yellow Journalism,' it's called, in the parlance of a completely different time.

Nevertheless, now that the self perpetuating machine that is the media has been set in motion on this topic, you can expect to hear about almost nothing else for the next three weeks. John Brumby and Ted Baillieu will fall all over themselves trying to outdo one another, trying to prove to us which of them will be toughest on crime.

Brumby will go on Neil Mitchell's show to state that serious crime figures have actually fallen in Victoria while he's been Premier (a fact, by the way)... before adding that nevertheless, he still thinks that we should have more police, tougher laws and longer sentences across the board.

Then Baillieu will give an interview to The Hun where he'll talk about a few of his constituents whose house was burgled and that he feels that suspended sentences should be done away with (Liberal party policy, by the way) and that he would legislate for more police, tougher laws and longer sentences than the Premier has proposed.

Then Brumby will be in The Hun stating that this just shows how weak his opponent has gotten on this important issue and that if he had his way than thieves and drunk drivers would be hung, drawn, quartered, guillotined, stoned, asphyxiated, buried in soft peat and recycled as firelighters.

Then Baillieu will be on Neil Mitchell's show yelling about how this merely highlights Labor's weakness when it comes to really cracking down on crime and that he feels that really everyone in the state who's ever littered or jaywalked or cut a loud fart in church should be sealed up in a block of concrete and buried somewhere in the desert.

Then... well, you get the idea.

Yet all this hyperbolic debate makes me think of is an old bit of Bill Hicks’(truncated, paraphrased and taken out of context, but still, you’ll get the drift):

'WAR, FAMINE, DEATH, AIDS, HOMELESS, RECESSION, DEPRESSION, WAR, FAMINE, DEATH, AIDS.' Over and over again. Then you look out your window - (crickets chirping) - where's all this shit going on, man?

And all this at a time when there are serious issues facing olur state, and mistakes the Government has made that they should be held to account over. As a tweet I saw after the leaders 'debate' last week put it:

'Did I miss the debate on public transport?'

(pause)

Allright! Anyone that made it this far deserves a treat: It's Bill!

Law and Order!!!!!!!!!!!!!

VICTORIAN STATE ELECTION

Anyone who thought that The Great Debate held during the recent Federal Election Campaign was a bit disappointing and light-on for content, hopefully missed the Victorian State Election equivalent.



For Labor's John Brumby and the Liberals Ted Baillieu conspired to conjure up something quite remarkable when they faced up to each other last week: an hour long political debate without any political content. Well, perhaps saying the debate was entirely devoid of political discourse is unfair. Baillieu has got one issue on his mind and that's:

LAW AND ORDER!!!!!!!!!

And that's certainly the way he sought to present it: In fifty foot high letters with a googleplex of exclamation points after it. Really, either the opposition leader is a very nervous man or the focus groups are telling him that Victorians feel less safe than they used to.

As for Brumby, Labor's focus groups are clearly sending the message that the punters find him a bit dour and inhuman, a bit all work and no play, as the Premier spent the hour long debate trying to remember how to smile. You could almost see his clockwork like mind turning over in his head:

'Think about something nice like... ummm... smashing Ballieu in his fat, silver spoon fed face. No! Something else... Something wholesome... like... the kids! Brilliant! And puppies! Now I've got it! How about my kids playing with puppies! Boy, I'm going to be sore tomorrow.'

And that was it really.

Baillieu tried to yell 'LAW AND ORDER!' as often as possible, even interrupting the Premier to do so, and Brumby tried to ignore Baillieu while walking a fine line between looking angry and looking like a statue. Anyone hoping for a serious discussion about any of the issues facing Victoria would have been much better turning their attention to the forums on crikey.com.

And the reason for this policy free election campaign have become clear, even after less than a week. In the areas where the State Government is vulnerable and facing a voter backlash:

* Public Transport.
* Water Infrastructure.
* Hospital waiting lists.
* Development planning.

the Liberal Party either doesn't want to change the way things are done (planning) or has no ideas about how to change them (transport, water and hospitals).

Which leaves law and order, and you can expect to hear plenty more about how violent crime rates are 47 000% higher than they were four days ago and that anyone who's game enough to come out from hiding under their beds in this state is taking their lives into their hands. In fact, you can almost guarantee that this will be the only thing the two leaders do actually debate during this campaign; which one of them will be tougher on crime.

And this brings us to consider another possible parallel between the Federal Election of August and this current state campaign. The Federal election was also a policy free zone conducted by two leaders who were determined to talk about anything except serious political issues, and the voters responded to this by endorsing neither of them and leaving the country with a hung parliament. Is it any surprise then, that todays 'Age' has polling showing that Victoria is headed for a hung parliament as well?

You've got three weeks fellas, to show us something.

Let's Make the Sonnoffabitch Deny It

VICTORIAN STATE ELECTION

Like most long standing Governments, Victoria's state Labor government has got some baggage. As in, they've done quite a few things over their time in office that have pissed quite a few of us off. 12 Years is a long time.

A brief list of some of the major pieces of baggage, then:

- Consistantly late, unreliable trains that seem incapable of running when it's either too hot, too cold or too temperate.

- Over budget, unreliable electronic ticketing system for our public transport network.

- Lack of anything that could be straightfacedly called a 'public transport network,' with overlapping, non integrated organisations running different parts of the system (and usually throwing pies at each other).



- Actually, this was meant to be a short list of issues so why don't we just take the public transport system as a whole as a negative and move on.

- Water management projects (desaliantion plant, north-south pipeline) with questionable water management benefits, massive price tags and major environmental concerns attached to them.

- A city development planning process that seems to be run out of a back room at Fat Tony's.

- The motherfucking Grand Prix! Can we just let Sydney or Dubai take the fucking thing and spend all that money on something else?

- The hospital waiting list scandal.

Although that last one has become such a common feature of State Governance in this country that a lot of the juice seems to have gone out of it as an issue. I mean, some of the state governments seem to think that they're expected to deliver a hospital waiting list scandal as part of their party platform:

'And so my friends, if elected, we promise to deliver bigger, more scandalous, more nefarious and more deceptive hospital waiting list scandals than this state has ever seen before!'

Even leaving that one aside though, it's still quite a list. There's a lot of issues there that people living in this state can - and do - feel angry about. And so, therefore, a lot for the Opposition to get stuck into the Government about as well. Fertile ground for the Liberal Party to make a pitch to the voters in (or on... or, erm, under? Actually that 'fertile ground' metaphor has thrown me off a bit).

Or so you'd think.

So it strikes me a curious that since the campaign was officially launched - on Melbourne Cup Day, damn you 'Descarado'! - we've had very little in the way of rigorous back and forth between the two major parties. What we've had, for the most part, is the Labor Party getting stuck into the Greens.

This started more or less staright away, with state education Minister Brownyn Pike calling Brian Walters, her Green opponent for the marginal inner city seat of Melbourne, a 'hypocrite.' Other, less nameable, sections of the ALP added the tag 'anti-semite' to this. And what had Mr Walters done to earn the ire of the ALP? Well, it seems that Mr Walters, a barrister in the private sector, had defended both a suspected Nazi war criminal and a mining company that has some dealings in brown coal mining (in extradition and wrongful death cases, respectively). The Victorian Bar Council was quick to Mr Walters defence, stating that as a lwayer he had an ethical obligation to 'do his best' for his clients, 'regardless of his personal views.' Senior figures from both the Labor Party and the legal profession were quick to put their views on the matter out in public as well, ensuring both sides of the argument got an airing and the story kicked on for a few days.

Even so, this still scans as a fairly innocuous bit of political argy bargy, of the sort that occurs so regularly in national politics that, much like any debate over hospital waiting lists, the details are quickly lost on a voting public that goes glassyeyed when election season starts.

But what is important in this instance is what this occurrence tells us about the mindset of state Labor. And that is that the Government views the Liberal Party as pretty unlikely to win the election and that they are more worried about losing marginal inner city seats to the Greens, than they are losing outter suburban or rural seats to the conservatives. The ALP has got a fight on it's hand to hold at least four innner city seats against the Greens - Melbourne, Richmond, Brunwsick and Northcote - and they know it and now the Greens know that their nominally left of centre allies will play hard ball to keep all of those seats in tact.

The other thing that the above incident tells us is that the spirit of Lyndon Baines Johnson is alive and well in modern politics, even here.

The story goes like this: A young LBJ, in his first run for elected office, is struggling to get ahead of his opponent. In frustration he told his campaign manager to leak a story to the press that said opponent liked fucking pigs.

'Hell,' the campaign manager is alleged to have said, 'we can't honestly expect people to believe he's a pig fucker.'

'Naw,' Johnson is meant to have drawled, 'but let's make the sonnoffabitch deny it.'

The point being, lets get a little word association going in peoples minds, the key words being 'My Opponent' and 'pig fucker.'

Sooooo..... at the height of debate about Mr Walters' character, our education minister went back to the media to say that while she still thought her opponent was a hypocrite, whoever had called him antisemtic (and gee whiz, it really is a mystery who might have done that) was taking it too far:

'I know Brian walters and I think that it is very unfair to say that he is antisemitic.'

Politics doesn't really change that much.

i.e. Nothing

Australia's new Federal Parliament got underway this week.

'You're kidding! I thought we were done with politickin? The election ended after 40 odd weeks right? Can't we just forget the whole fucking lot of them for three years now?'

Well, no. Which is to say, yes.

With the high drama, internal squabbling and camp theatrics of the election campaign finally over and done with, most of the Australian electorate will do their absolute level best to avoid anything political until the next campaign (slated for 2012-13 which seems ridiculously close, when you think about it). This is a little easier in a week like the one we've just had, where all right thinking people's thoughts are fixated on the AFL Grand Final in Melbourne (and yes, okay, some on the NRL Grand Final in Sydney, but I'd hardly call those people 'right thinking').

So how did our new Parliament fare in this opening week?

Did the new Government 'let the sunshine in,'



as Julia Gillard said it would? Did the Opposition hold the Government 'ferociously to account,'



as Tony Abbott said it would (the above being a visual depiction of what runs through Mr Abbott's head when he addresses a member of the ALP in Parliament). Did neither of these things happen and did our Federal Parliament settle down to a week of doing what it does best i.e. nothing?

I'm sure the right thinking people in the audience know the answer.

To sum up what actually went down in Parliament this week, then, is a fairly short exercise (note: anyone looking for a robust policy debate, best click the 'Back' button now). There were two key items that took up most of our Parliaments time:

1. ELECTING THE SPEAKER

The Speaker officiates in the lower house of Parliament, the House of Representatives. They sit in a chair between the two sides and serve as a sort of umpire; keeping the peace, running debates, announcing the outcome of votes and making sure Parliament runs according to correct procedure. Well, actually, they spend most of their time going 'Member for So-and-So, resume your seat!' as various members of the house get excited and start shouting at each other. The Speaker is meant to be independent but, as they are elected by a vote of House members, they normally come from the Government benches and are thought to nominally favour the Government on match day.

The election of the Speaker was complicated this time, however, by the Government's wafer thin margin in the House. The Speaker normally only votes if the rest of House vote is tied and, with Labor holding the slimmest margin possible at 76 votes to 74, removing one vote in the form of the Speaker's could be crucial. Labor, then, were less keen than usual to provide the Speaker from their side. Independant MP Rob Oakeshott volunteered himself (undoubtedly taken with the title 'Speaker' given his recent antics) before going cold on the idea again. And a couple of Coalition back benchers flirted with nominating before Tony got all 'Watership Down' on their ass and frightened them back behind the skirting board. After a week of debate and analysis and meetings and dealings and much name calling on national television, we ended up with exactly the same Speaker as last time, Labor's mild backbencher Harry Jenkins.

Your tax payers dollars in action.

2. DEBATE ON PARLIAMENTARY PROCEDURE IN RELATION TO RECALL VOTES.

This hefty, weighty piece of critical nation building legislation relates to occurrences where the Government is defeated in a Parliamentary roll call vote, but only defeated due to something unusual, like, say, one of their members getting locked in the toilet or something, and then the Government wants to have another vote on the same bit of legislation straight away, say, after the handymen get the trapped parliamentarian out of the dunny, then what sort of procedures need to be followed and... oh fuck me, I can't write anymore about this. I tried to tart it up a bit and make it mildly entertaining but this was a deadly dull procedural battle about voting protocols that made watching paint dry look like 'Jackass 3D.' The Liberals won this one, by the way, causing much tweeting and emailing in the political science department of ANU.

So, it's probably fair to say, that the new Parliament worked well enough during it's first week in operation. Although, with nothing of any real consequence under consideration, this tells us exactly nothing about how it will operate when contentious legislation - euthanasia, broad band, gay marriage or carbon taxes - come up for debate.

And so after a week in which our 226 well paid Federal Parliamentarians sat around shouting about arcane trivia that no one in the whole country could have given a toss about, it seems somehow fitting to leave the summation of the current state of Australian politics down to a work experience kid on the 'Kerry Ann' show: