Kevin Rudd: The Lethal Weapon Memoirs

Editor's note: If this is to be funny to you in any way, shape or form, it should be pointed out that the villain of the movie 'Lethal Weapon 2' is also named Mr Rudd, just like our former PM. It should also be pointed out that I watched 'Lethal Weapon 2' the other evening, after much consumption of beer and vodka had taken place. Did you need to know that in order to find what follows funny? Well, not really, but at least you know why I find it funny...

THE ABRIDGED CAREER OF KEVIN RUDD

As Told by 'Lethal Weapon 2'

Kevin Rudd started his political career in the Department of Foreign Affairs. There were lots of reasons why he chose this area to work in; his love of travel, his proficiency with Mandarin, the fact that he had no friends in Australia. But, above all, he loved having:



He thrived and quickly took control of the Labor Party, although he would endure an ongoing rivalry with another rising start, Julia Gillard. His attempts to keep her under wraps and the focus on himself were heavy handed at times:



In 2007 he lead the ALP out of the wilderness, with a thumping victory over John Howard's Liberal Party in the Federal Election. In his election night speech he paid out on Howard and everyone who had knocked him over the years:



After the election, he moved into The Lodge and had it refurbished to suit his tastes:



Rudd had some success early in his Prime Ministership; ratifying Koyoto and apologising to Australia's indigenous stolen generations. He would endure controversy as well. His close association with China would cause the Americans to regard him with suspicion. As he confided in Gillard:



He would also be faced with guiding Australia through the Global Financial crisis of 2008-09. Although the Rudd Government's policies were largely regarded as a success and Australia avoided the worst effects of the global downturn, Rudd's deficit spending would damage the budget bottom line. Rudd owned up to this publicly, admitting,



These and other policies would eventually cause Kevin Rudd a dramatic fall in the polls. As his popularity plunged throughout 2010, the faceless men of the Labor Party backroom decided to act:



They would replace Rudd with Gillard. Although shattered and surprised by this turn of events, Rudd would acknowledge:



Gillard was not entirely without sympathy for the man she replaced, however, and after winning one of the narrowest elections in Australia's history, she would return Kevin Rudd to her front bench. Once again, he would be able to hold his head up and declare to the world: